Silence

I know I have been silent for a while and for that I would like to apologize. Those of you who have been following my other "road" know the reason.

Something really sad and bad happened recently and although I think I am dealing with it fairly well I still need time to heal my broken heart and soul. That is why I have not written anything recently here, although I have been trying to work on my assignments and readings. I will be back in a few days, renewed and fresh. The good thing is that I have great friends who are beside me whatever happens, and that I know from my not very sunshiny experience that nothing in me can be broken forever. Everything heals.

I have to tell you, though, that I did some past-digging in my family history and I made a huge discovery: my ancestors were Jews. On one side of my family. Later I will explain it in more details but for now I just wanted to point out something: isn't it interesting that I have been drawn back to "my" people by some invisible but strong force. To the people of whom I have not known I was one of them. I always felt it, though. I now believe there is something we call FATE. And now I know what mine is -- well, some of it.

I wanted to thank my readers for being my readers and following my spiritual road. You all mean a lot to me and I can't wait to see you again. I miss the Temple and the people. It's only a matter of a little less than 2 weeks. Until then I will probably be back with more details and news from Hungary. I just wanted to say THANK YOU to you.

Extremism in Hungary

One of the most shocking experiences I've had since I came to Hungary is that there is a significant number of extremists walking around in the city without even trying to be subtle. They wear extremist symbols and dress like "urban soldiers". I mean they wear clothes that are not uniforms per se but resemble military outfits. They put the Hungarian tricolor ribbon around their arm, wear pins that show the old Hungary -- meaning the bigger one, before the Trianon Treaty (Versailles, France), when substantial territories were detached from the country as a penalty for picking the wrong side (the Germans) in World War I.

I could not help but notice how different ideologies are mix-matched here: Hungarism -- Hungarian nationalism, meaning they want the old territories back; anti-Semitism; ant-democratic ideology...One Hungarist "genius" -- I think it was their leader or something -- said that they don't want democracy and all Jews are liars. Well, I don't really see either the connection or the consistency, not to mention the generalization fueled by hatred. I bet this guy has not met any Jew so far but he seems to "know" the unquestionable truth.

It is ridiculous and scary at the same time. I hope this ideology does not attract too many people but I also think that unfortunately there are groups of people who are easy to influence: teenagers, the unemployed and the less educated. The mixing of the ideas and the lack of consistency which is, in turn, presented as a complete ideology, is a laughing matter. But I don't know where this all leads and I can only hope that people know better.

The scary part is how it is not a shame anymore to be explicitly extremist: publicly and even proudly wearing/showing symbols of hatred and hostility ... There is a new symbol which seriously resembles the swastika. It is not that but almost ...

(this is a sticker with the "old Hungary" map with the colors of the Arpad dinasty, the first royal dinasty in Hungary, their symbolism has been revived by the nationalist movements in the beginning of the 20th century and used since then by the extreme rightists; and the thing inside of it that -- maybe I am wrong, but -- strongly resembles to the swastika ... )

Interestingly, someone suggested that the Arpad-colors should be considered a prohibited symbol because in World War II the Hungarian "Nazi" party has used it as their flag but the law did not go through. The reasoning was that the Arpad-colors are an ancient historic treasure and as such can not be prohibited...

Zion

As probably everyone who is not really educated in the realm of Zionism I have always thought Zionism was something not very nice. It's not like I was bothered by it -- because I am a pacifist above all -- nor was I thinking about it all the time like it was something bad. It's just that whenever asked about it or heard about it the thought that came to my mind first was something mildly negative. See, this is why it is important to educate people about Judaism and related topics.

I hope -- maybe naively enough -- that people who could be even more harmful than me (which is not very hard to do) would change their minds as soon as they'd learn. The problem is they are not very willing to :-( I mean the really harmful ones. My impression is that these people enjoy being mean and they are not interested in reality but more in their reality they have created for themselves. They become protective of their created reality and scared to leave it ... I am more and more convinced that anti-Semitism (which, I think, goes hand in hand with anti-Zionism) originates from insecurity of a person's identity.

Now that I have clarified -- at least to a certain extent -- my ideas about Zionism by reading Kertzer's and Wylen's books my vision has changed some. I don't think of Zionism as something negative anymore. It is certainly true that Zionism is a nationalistic movement and therefore a little bit exclusive but it is also understandable. I mean, the Jews almost never had a home.

As a Hungarian (well, half) I know. Hungary was founded in 1000 AD, Hungarians did not have a home beforehand. They were wandering around, occasionally attacking other peoples who came along, they were hunters and fighters. Then, we arrived to the Carpathian Basin and our leaders decided this is going to be our country. Well, it was all beautiful and stuff but there were people here who were convinced that the place was their country. So my ancestors fought them, negotiated with them and finally -- after having agreed to adopt Christianity -- we were allowed to stay. Our first king, Stephen, fought his brother, as well, because his brother was the eldest -- therefore the next righteous king -- but he resented Roman Catholicism and wanted to remain Pagan. Finally even he converted to Orthodox Catholicism but the Roman Church was stronger in the territory and they have supported Stephen to win over his brother and helped him to take the throne.

Why am I talking about this? Because it is somewhat similar to how the State of Israel was founded. With the slight difference that the Land of Israel used to be the Jewish homeland for a while, so in my terms the Jews had every right to claim it back. And therefore Zionism looks completely different from such a perspective.

What I think about the relationships of Israel with the surrounding area: well, as I have already mentioned, I am a pacifist, so I am against all kinds of warfare. I also know that sometimes war is inevitable, unfortunately. The Arab world does not like the fact that the Jewish State has been founded in their midst. The Jewish people don't like attacks on their own. So there is continuous conflicts to be solved and I am really sad that diplomacy does not seem to work there. I am hopeful, I wish that Israel and the Arab world would reconcile and live next to each other peacefully, without rackets and air force attacks, and killing innocent people on both ends. Evidence shows that Israel is not in the way of developing the area, au contraire. I would love to see the Arabs cooperating with Israel for the benefit of both parties. Until that is possible, I know there would be bloodshed and I know that sometimes there is no alternatives.

Reb Shayele

(Yeshayah Steiner, Reb Shayele)


I have not been online here for a while, unfortunately I had serious health issues to deal with. Now it is solved, so I am getting back to life :-) I will also get back here, soon. In the meantime, I just wanted to let you all know that I have been missing you greatly and thinking of you a lot!

I have held Shabbat here, at my Mom's home, every Friday night since I left Nashville. Well, except for the latest one. It made the time we spend together even more precious. I love Shabbat.

There is one interesting thing, though. I was waiting for my hubby at the airport the other day and I saw there was quite a few Hasidic Jews there. In the parking lot and in the building. There was this young (well, my age :-)) guy, waiting for someone from JFK -- from where I was expecting G to arrive. We started talking and he told me that they were gathering in Hungary to remember the yahrzeit of Reb Shayele -- Yeshayah Steiner --, a great and well-known Jewish spiritual leader in Bodrogkeresztur. So, I have learned something interesting, again. And I am proud that Hungary gave some value to the Jewish people and history, not only bad things.

There is hope

I just heard on the news: there is going to be a proposal to make denial of the Holocaust a crime. Because it is. The Holocaust was a crime and, in my view, denial of it is not any less of a crime.

The Parliament is going to discuss it after the proposal will be made on Monday. I hope it will go through.

I don't want to be brave to wear my Chai, I just want to wear it...

Remembrance Day

It was last Sunday, April 19th. There was a ceremony in the 7th district of Budapest, which used to be a ghetto during the war. Near one of the synagogues. I could not go, I wanted to, but we had guests that day. I watched it on TV later and it shook me, again.

What is very sad is that at the very same time, in a different part of the city, there was an anti-Holocaust demonstration :-( Unfortunately it is a serious issue here, and in Europe in general. I mean anti-Semitism. My Jewish friend told me that in Hungary it is a brave action to wear the Chai. This is really sad :-(

I went yesterday to the banks of the Danube for a walk with my friend. We passed by the shoes, the memorial of the Holocaust. One of them. They are there because numerous Jews were shot on the banks, into the river. Before they died, they had to remove their shoes...

The Hero

I met her today. The lady who helped several Jewish families during the war. Her family hid the Jews, brought them food, saved them from labor camps. Amazing. She kept going on and on about her experiences, I kept jotting down everything she said. I felt so mad because I did not have a camera with me. We agreed that I will put together some questions and we will meet more so that I can record everything she remembers. It is truly amazing and humbling to see and hear how much and how precisely she remembers. Names, faces, places, emotions...everything. She is 81 years old and her brain works as if she was 25.

I cannot wait to share what she shared with me but I will need time to make it into a concise and coherent document. I am really excited about her and her stories. We spent 3 hours together today and she did most of the talking. And I did not realize so much time has passed. I could feel how important it was for her to really tell it to someone who really listens. She said her dad -- the person who actually saved several lives -- had been brought to court after the war because someone found Jewish wealth in his property -- wealth he tried to save for his Jewish fellow citizens. Jews whose lives he saved witnessed for him and saved him from jail.

He moved out of his house to give it up for Jews to hide in it. He made fake documents for the Jews. He was a real and true hero in my terms. He died long ago. His daughter, T, was told he'd receive a thank you note from the people of Israel for what he did for the Jews of Budapest but he never received it. Probably because they were not able to find him, he changed addresses since the war and later he passed away. I would love to help T get this note from Israel because she knows her dad was a hero, and I know it, and probably a lot of other people do but I really would love for T to receive such an honor. They have risked their lives, after all. Because they cared.

It is such an interesting and exciting and, at the same time, horrifying story. All of it. I think today has changed me and my vision of the world once again. T is a great, intelligent, caring and loving person. I am glad I met her and I am glad she shared her story with me. I can't wait to record it so everyone who is interested can hear her story. It is really worth it.