The first Shabbat

I have started this journey because I have always felt the inexplicable attraction to Judaism. Now, that I am on this spiritual road I feel even more so. Yesterday I have experienced the first Shabbat service at the Temple and I think I will always remember this Friday evening.

When I arrived N greeted me at the chapel door and introduced me to her friend, L, who is also studying for conversion with Rabbi S. L is a really nice lady, we sat together – and also with N and her husband – at the service.

I love the atmosphere and the feeling of „oneness” that is circulating in my mind and body ever since. The music (someone played the piano while the Rabbis and the congregation were chanting the prayers) was uplifting and the speeches of the Rabbis were realistic, calm and most of all, very-very intelligent. I think this is what I like the most about Judaism: the intelligence that is nurtured and placed very high among the Jewish values.

Rabbi M told the story of a Rabbi who was traveling on a train in Poland to go back to his hometown. He shared the compartment with some businessmen who were playing cards and after a while invited the Rabbi to join the game. The Rabbi refused, he preferred to go on with his reading. The businessmen asked him again and again, and as he turned down all the invitations, one of the businessmen grabbed him and threw him out of the compartment. When they got to the Rabbi’s hometown (which turned out to be the destination of these businessmen, too), the attacker saw how people greeted the Rabbi and got to know who he really was. He asked the Rabbi for forgiveness, but the Rabbi said he could not forgive. Later we learned that the Rabbi could not forgive the attacker because he did not attack the Rabbi. He attacked someone he thought the Rabbi to be. Forgiveness can only be granted by the victim, no one can grant it on the victim’s behalf.

The story related to the discussion about the denial of the Holocaust (and its extent). Although I am not yet Jewish I have always had great compassion and empathy for the Jewish people and was always amazed by their ability to cope with all the hardship they had to face all through history. There is no other people who could survive so much persecution and oppression and even genocide (in the case of the Holocaust). I admire these people from the deepest of my heart and I feel for them whenever they speak or hear about the Holocaust because you can see how they are still hurt and yet open even towards the ones that hurt them. This is why it always upsets (even angers) me when someone attempts to deny this horrible event of human history. My strong belief is that humanity should learn from the mistakes they make and therefore not to repeat them.

About the extent of the Holocaust: this is the thing that angers me the most. I mean, there is no question that people (millions of them, too) died in the Holocaust merely for their belonging to a group. Killing is a crime. Whether one person or thousands or millions of them are the victims, it is not less of a crime. Therefore I think denying the extent of the Holocaust is utterly „stupid” (sorry, but there is no other word I could use here) and thinking that by theoretically reducing the number of actual victims is going to make the Holocaust any less of a very serious crime is beyond my ability to understand. Holocaust is a crime. A lot of people died or became handicapped (mentally and/or physically) , a whole People was hurt and there is no way to make this appear any less of a huge mistake of humanity against itself. I wish humanity was able to learn from its own mistakes and not forget about them. I have been to the Dachau camp and I saw pictures and videos and I saw the places where people were tortured. I think everybody should see these, maybe visual aid would help them remember. Arrggghh, it makes me so sad ...

When I left the Temple I was smiling and feeling so „complete”, this „oneness” filled me with joy and was strange, too, in a way. Because I have never felt it before. It is as if I had different compartments in my soul, one of them empty for a long time. Now this last one is filled, too. The first thought I had when I started the ignition of my car at the parking lot was: I wish it was Friday next week already, so I can go to Shabbat service again. It feels so great!